Wednesday, May 28, 2008
The "D" Word
Ahh, the most scariest of concepts is being addressed over at Deadly Viper Character Assassins today - Full Disclosure of physical sexual behavior apart from your spouse or partner. As I always say at the Every Mans Battle workshops, "the 'D' word in sexual integrity work is not divorce, it's disclosure." This concept makes the strongest folks run for the hills. As much as this concept has differing opinions, the opportunity of change and true intimacy that develops out of honesty and confession can only happen when the hiding and lying and control are surrendered in disclosure. Check it out over @ Deadly Vipers and chime in on your thoughts, feelings and viewpoint. Take Care.
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4 comments:
full disclosure sucks!
Thanks anon for your comment...it is difficult but necessary...just ask the professionals in the field such as the granddaddy of sexual addiction work Patrick Carnes who states:
“To have secrets is to have shame. Addiction thrives in secrecy and shame. In addition, a committed relationship works best when each person ‘lays all their cards on the table.’ Talking to your partner about sex addiction is more difficult than talking about a gambling or alcohol problem. Nevertheless, it is very important to do. Just involving your spouse in early recovery increases your chances of successful recovery. Further, your spouse has to know what he or she is dealing with. When they do, they enter codependency recovery for themselves, which further increases the potential for success. Yes, they will be upset. But telling the truth is an important step in restoring trust. In an extended follow-up study by Debra Corley and Jennifer Schneider, 96 percent of spouses and 93 percent of addicts said that making full disclosure benefited their recovery. The survey also revealed that it is best to make full disclosure in one setting. To dole out information a little bit at a time actually created further hurt and eroded trust.” From Patrick Carnes PhD, Facing the Shadow
In response to the deleted comment from anon...Anon please reread Carnes quote above…Anon unless you are willing to reveal yourself and continue a discussion on how to get help around these issues, your posts will no longer be accepted on this blog…for further questions please refer to the California Board of Behavioral Sciences.
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